How to Find a Mentor
March 5, 2019 | The Vineyard Church
So you want to find a mentor? Well, that’s exciting! Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.” To grow in your walk with Christ, it’s important to have people speaking truth into your life. This could potentially be an intentional relationship like a mentor.
A Christian mentor is someone who offers you guidance, support, and accountability founded on Biblical truths. If you’re beginning the search for a mentor, here are five steps to help you along your journey:
#1. Define what you want in a mentor.
Are you looking for someone to pray for you? A cheerleader? A life coach? A Bible study partner? An older friend? The word “mentor” is a big umbrella of a lot of different relationships, and so it’s helpful to define exactly what it means to you. When beginning the search of finding a mentor, it can be crucial to figure out exactly what you’re hoping to get from the mentor relationship. One of the best questions you can ask is, “How do I want to grow?”
#2. Be humble.
A common misunderstanding about mentorships is that it's all about me. Many times, those who want to be mentored want their mentor to drop their entire life and revolve it around their new “project.” This is not true and can lead to an unhealthy relationship.
When looking for a mentor humbly, be sure to ask the question, “how can I support them?” Maybe that's serving in their ministry area or being flexible with meeting times or helping them fold laundry while you chat.
A great example of this is Paul and Timothy. Read a bit about their story to see how Timothy learned from Paul, but also partnered with him to move the early church forward. Paul first met Timothy in Acts 16, but bits of their relationship
#3. Watch, wait, and prepare.
The perfect mentor relationship doesn’t happen overnight. Be intentional to pray for your future relationship and that it will come naturally when the time is right.
Don’t ask someone to be your mentor before you really know them. Be intentional to get to know them first. This could start with reading their blog or following their social media accounts. Then lead to in-person conversations and the start of a relationship.
If you want to grow as a parent, look for someone who seems to have raised great kids. If you are in college or high school, maybe it’s someone who is a few steps ahead of you that can guide you through this new phase of life. If you are looking for someone in your field of work, be intentional to seek professionals who are following Christ.
There are also personal development steps you can take before you make the big ask. Are you serving on a team or volunteering in your community? Are you being intentional with Bible study on a weekly basis? You could also take a Vineyard FIT class or join/lead a Vineyard Group to start the track for your spiritual growth.
#4. Ask.
Before straight up asking them to be your mentor, set up an informal time to get to know each other. You want to be sure your personalities click and you truly do want to learn from them.
Then, make the ask. If you don’t know how to, just go for it! Sometimes we make it seem like a bigger ask than it actually is. Be honest with your expectations and what you want the mentorship to look like, but be open for feedback on what it could be.
Another important part of "the ask" is to clarify the time frame. No mentorship will last indefinitely. Set a time frame for your meetings. It could potentially look like a once a month meeting for 30 minutes over a period of six months or every other week for an hour for a semester.
#5. Assess.
After meeting a few times, assess the fruit from your mentorship. Are your growing your walk with Christ? Should you meet more often or less? You should be assessing your mentorship every few months in this capacity. You might find that the mentorship isn’t working - and that’s okay!
A mentor relationship takes lots of time and energy in your track for growth. It takes some bravery to take the first step, but
This post was written by a group of volunteer writers who strive to share God's truth through an online platform, but may not reflect the views of The Vineyard Church as a whole. To learn how you can get involved, email us at