In my early 30’s, I attended a work-related conference with a fellow female grad student. I had been married for 7 years to my first husband, and we had a 3-year-old daughter. I was a pre-Christian, who attended religious services irregularly and had never picked up a Bible.

One night, my roomie spoke to her boyfriend on the phone and ended the conversation by saying she loved and needed him. I was horrified by what I heard. I thought she’d just admitted an unhealthy co-dependency and made herself dangerously vulnerable. I immediately decided to never put myself in that extremely weak position.

Two years later I gave my heart to Jesus. I began a regular lifestyle of intentionally requesting assistance from God in prayer and receiving answers from Him. Over time, this consistent pattern of asking and receiving settled my heart into a rock-solid love for the Lord. I saw that He really cared for me. I found He was faithful and could be trusted. I was able to rest in His goodness and love for me, because He proved Himself to be a thoughtful, considerate and consistent lover of my soul over and over again. I now understand that needing Him and expressing those needs to Him was the first essential step in forming a strong and healthy relationship with Him. 

When my work as a teacher at Notre Dame led me into researching the subject of trust between parents and teachers, I discovered that developing trust actually begins with expressing a need. As my expressed need is met by someone, I begin to believe that person is benevolent, good or kind toward me. When I consistently receive more of this kind care, over time I form judgments that the giver is someone reliable, competent and honest. 

As a result, I become more confident in being safe. I can be more open and willingly vulnerable with that person. I am able to trust them with more and more of my heart, soul, mind and strength. 

I learned the thing I despised when I was 30 is the very thing on which my strongest and deepest relationships are now based. I heartily believe we are designed to need and take care of each other the same way I need God and He takes care of me. 

If I had not relented of my decision way back then, I would be leading a deprived and lonely life now. Instead, I have multiple circles of friends where we have formed consistently strong levels of trust and a new husband with whom I’m intentionally building trust every day. These risky actions are essential for fulfilling the great commandment to love others as Jesus has loved us—but they are so worth the risk. In fact, I’m willing to stake my life that Jesus literally agrees with this lyric from a song by Barbra Streisand…

“People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”