The earth was frozen beneath me, cold seeping through my jeans as I knelt. My hands pressed into the damp grass, slick with morning dew, the scent of earth and frost filling my lungs. My body convulsed, shoulders jerking with each sob. My face hung low, hot tears dripping onto the ground, sinking into the soil above my son’s grave.

The wind cut through my jacket, but I barely felt it. Only the ache inside mattered—the hollow, gnawing wound that had nothing to do with the biting March air. Ten days had passed since the crash. Ten days of tears of waking with swollen eyes, of nights that bled into morning without sleep. But this grief wasn’t for his absence alone. It was for the time I had wasted and the guilt of not being a good father...

I pressed my forehead into the icy grass. The dampness clung to my skin, mixing with the salt of my tears. He was gone. No more chances to mend what was broken. No words left to say. The silence of the graveyard swallowed me, vast and merciless.

My own voice broke the stillness—a raw, guttural cry rising from the depths. “Oh God, I hurt him! I’m so sorry!  Please forgive me!” My breath shuddered against the cold earth, my fingers digging into the soil as if I could claw my way back to a different ending.

Then—something shifted. Not outside, where the wind still whispered through barren branches, but within. The crushing weight lifted. The suffocating guilt that had wrapped around my ribs like iron bands simply… vanished. The air around me felt lighter, my chest no longer caved in on itself. A stillness settled over me, not the emptiness of grief, but peace.

I rose on unsteady legs, the world looking different—crisper, clearer, as if washed clean. Climbing into my car, I turned the key. The engine hummed to life, and a song spilled through the speakers.

"Come to the Throne of Grace

Don’t be afraid, I won’t turn you away

Just let me into your heart

And my love will wash your tears away

I know you, I know you completely…

And on your darkest journey

I have been with you
All the weight of guilt and shame
You carry on your shoulder
It’s time to hand it over and let it go.

Just let it go"

The melody wrapped around me, warm as sunlight through a rain-streaked window.

Tears blurred my vision, but they were different now. Not weighted with sorrow, but release.

I whispered the words aloud.

"Just let it go."

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